Self Love Self Hatred Love Self

Self Love Self Hatred  Love Self

There are a lot of similarities
with what I experienced
in my past few relationships with what I see
from the outside looking in
on the relationship my friend
has currently
for it is
a reflection
of me

I know from my past that low self esteem played a huge part in the negative aspects of those relationships. I sought security on unstable ground
try talking to bleeding ears damaged by a sharp tongue that cut until it heard none
no victim - was back and forth with him
I'd cling to arms that longed to hold another - an invisible wall separated our hearts and nothing else worked, not attempts to show our gratitude or appreciation, not small exchanges and pleasantries or efforts to squelch self hatred
lets make this basic
I had to remember the road we traveled to verbal, emotional and physical abuses
so that we don't dare turn that way and go there again
ignoring red flags, flashing lights, yield signs and the larger than life STOP!!!
the danger - do not enter, trespassing, private property and what not

Without self esteem, self respect we self inflict pain on ourselves and beat ourselves to unrecognizable figures
that WE
don't recognize
neglect ourselves and uphold others that in turn treat us like sh*t and we are sh*t to accept it
but we don't really care because we agree with the treatment
because we say we love and respect ourselves but the real is that we don't believe it
and we don't show it, and we don't feel it
so how can we EVER expect the next man or woman to see it?
and if we speak to them from our own lying mouths about how divine, fine, God, Goddess, King, Queen, Prince, Princess we are
we are a fool twice over to believe that the next person receives it

I know in my heart that I'm not where I want to be as far as being in love with me
but
I am on that path
I declare right now that I will, I will, I will myself to stay on task
because relationships take work, relationships bring about hurt and none is perfect in this duality of an existence we are in, so we must pay attention to reap the rewards of well maintained land, that strong foundation, pay attention to the small crack in the pavement because one day it will stretch and grow to larger proportions and cause a leak... a flood...

Security in SELF, self Love is the only thing strong enough to put up a fight with disrespectful asses because love for yourself will step up and let it be known- aye- not here, you can go on, immediately,
don't give bullsh*t time to marinate into more and more bullsh*t
it stinks already that little bit grows into something else,  how unfortunate
Enough with the lecture,
lets go on and impress the person
to whom it should matter most, grab the mirror,
Who's first?


© 2016 Lakesha S. Keith